To the one whose running on E,

I know. Sometimes therapy doesn’t feel like enough. Sometimes a day to yourself, a vacation, a nice time with a friend won’t cut it. You’ll feel great in the moment and then come home feeling motivated and blissful from the experience just to feel at your lowest the next day all over again. It feels like a never ending cycle. Maybe you’ll start working out or change the way you eat. That too can help for a while, but then something triggers you to go backwards and start entertaining your old lifestyle. You’re left exhausted all over again. Another anxiety attack here, another day of crying there until you feel the manifestations of a hand closing around your throat. You just can’t take it anymore. And those around you? They’re getting scrapes. They get the irritable, exhausted, sleep deprived, gloomy you. They’ll get a laugh or smile in here and there, but it’s not you. It’s just the crumbs of what you had left to give them that day. Your tank is running on E but you can’t find a place fast enough to fill you back up. So instead, you keep running on fumes until you can’t run any longer. 

If this is you, I want you to know you’re not alone! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that September has always been my favorite month of the year. It’s when my favorite season starts, it’s the month of my anniversary and it brings back so many beautiful memories. But I also know that this month can be very triggering since it’s suicide prevention month. You’ll see a lot of people post about their own experiences or the experiences of their loved ones. What I posted above has very much been my experience. I’m not going to pretend to have a perfect formula for how to deal with anxiety and depression because honestly I’m still trying to figure it out. All I know is you can’t do it on your own. You need an army behind you. So if this is you, if you can relate to this in any way, shoot me a message and let me be part of that army. Let me pray for you! And when you feel ready, please share some of your story too. You never know who might need your words to hold onto and your prayers to help them through!