Another in the Sky

It’s been a whole month now since my abuela passed away. We all anticipated her passing ( seeing as she had been in hospice for so long) but nothing on earth can prepare you for the moment when it actually happens. My father and I, who had just gone to the pharmacy to grab some medicine for her, were two minutes too late. I walked into her apartment to a crowd of weeping faces. I knew at the moment she had already taken her final breath. People kept telling me that my grandma waited for my daughter and I to move onto Heaven. Only just a day before we got to talk to her and love on her. Less than a day later, she was gone. What a blessing it was to be able to say goodbye.

Shortly after her passing, my husband, toddler and I went on a vacation to abuela’s home island, The Dominican Republic. I remember the moment I was about to forward some of the pictures to her of our vacation and had to stop myself. Tears welled up my eyes at the reality that she was no longer on the other end of the phone. I couldn’t just facetime her anymore anytime I wanted to. I couldn’t just ask her how she was feeling that day. Who am I supposed to check on now? Who is going to scold me when I’m not eating enough? Who is going to make me fried plantains and eggs? Who is going to baby my daughter and always tell her how beautiful she looks? Who is going to ask me how my husband is doing with his Spanish?

I realize however that joy and grief can coexist. In moments when I felt the most joy, I’d think of her and how much more fun she must be having in Heaven. No longer in pain and completely healed. 

I think the hardest part of it all has been explaining to my daughter why we can’t see her anymore. My heart breaks everytime she says she wants to “go to the sky” (we can’t say Heaven yet because we have a friend with that name) so she can show Abuelita her new toy. But it also gives me hope that someday we will see her again.